I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
