Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
