I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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