I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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