Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
