happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
