Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I understand Curling. That high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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