I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
