how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
