im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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