Do you still have your period?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
