It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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