maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
