you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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