i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
