the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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