When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
