My balls are so social today.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
