He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we're so committed to being not committed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
