her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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