Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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