Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
