I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
