no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
