Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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