I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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