You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
