I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
