You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
