Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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