either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
