all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
