It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
