Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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