Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize