I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
