I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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