I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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