while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
