Well apparently he's into motor boating.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
