my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
