did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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