So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
