we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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