every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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