do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
