i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
