Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
