lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
