I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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