I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
