There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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