I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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