you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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