Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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