think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
