But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
