Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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