Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
