he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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