I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
