Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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