I'm going to jail i love you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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