I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
