Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
