remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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