I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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