Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
