when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
