Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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