dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
